The day finally came for me to introduce my cousin Siddhartha to America. I awoke abruptly from my alarm clock along with the bright sun peeking through underneath my window shades and realized that I needed to hurry and get to the airport. I jumped out of my bed, grabbed the first pair of jeans I saw, threw on a shirt, brushed my teeth, made a coffee, and I was out the door. When I arrived at the airport it was hard to see with all the people surrounding me. I cautiously checked the televisions to see what exact time his plane was coming in from New Delhi, India. A bald-headed man in a long white robe was approaching me and I knew it was him. Thankfully I was right on time and managed to locate him in the array of people. Was I ready to do this?
“Hello, so nice to see you again Siddhartha!” I greeted him.
“Nice to see you too.” Siddhartha answered as he firmly shook my hand.
“Shall we get started? There are so many places to see here in America that I don’t want to be wasting any time.”
“Sounds good to me.” He replies.
So we left the airport and as soon as we approached my car I knew he was afraid. He’s never been in one before so I made sure to let him know it was safe. I knew exactly where we were headed. Last summer, my sister and I wanted to get in shape but didn’t want to go to the gym, so we both decided on taking a hike every once and a while. Hiking up to the summit house is one of my favorite activities to do and when you reach the top, it feels so powerful and accomplishing. The beauty of the mountain itself and everything surrounding it when you reach the top is priceless. When I brought Siddhartha to the top of the mountain he just sat there and I was wondering what he was thinking. “How do you feel Siddhartha?” I asked him. “It reminds me of home.” He replied. I knew that it was the right place to bring him. He sat down on the rocks and started to meditate. The smell of fresh air and hearing the nature in the background is what made this trip special. We stayed up there for what seemed like 2 hours until we were both finally ready to accomplish the hike down. "Before I thought that I had to find peace by destroying my body.” (88) But now I realize that that is not true at all, Siddhartha says.
“Alright, enough peace and quiet. That is not what America is all about and you need some change!” After another half hour or so in the car we arrived at Six Flags New England, one of the very few amusement parks around us.
“Jill, where are we right now?” Siddhartha asked in amazement. “This is Six Flags, one of the busiest places I know.”
It is one of the most thrilling places to be because of the rides and all of the people there.
“I haven’t seen so many people in my life. This place and these people remind me of Kamala.”(45) Siddhartha says opening his mouth in awe.
After enjoying a few rides and eating fried-dough and a lot of candy, we decided it was time to head back to my house in South Hadley. I could tell he was sad for it to end and I knew it was a completely different experience for him. Why don’t we have these back home? I knew he was thinking. Just looking at the smile on his face after getting off of a ride was enough for me to say I did my job well. I knew he had been trapped in peace and quietness but he needed to experience something new.
“I didn’t even know that places like these existed!” Siddhartha says looking at me. “Why haven’t I gone to visit you earlier?”
I felt proud of myself to be able to give Siddhartha a whole new experience and have him actually enjoy it. “I felt as if I was home again in India when I was meditating on top of the mountain. It was a truly beautiful sight.” Siddhartha mentions to me in the car. “However, going to the theme park taught me that I don’t need only peace in my life but a mixture of both that and excitement. He has decided not to pick one path in his life but to have a little bit of both.
“When you were on the top of the mountain, I could tell that it was you and what you are used to doing back home. But when you were at the theme park I saw a whole other side of you that I think you enjoyed just as much as I did.”
“You are right cousin. I thank you so much for helping me realize that peace isn’t the only option. I cannot be satisfied for choosing one pathway in life. You have taught me well.”
We finally arrived back to my house and it turned out to be 11pm. It was time for bed and when we wake up it will be a new morning and a new day.
1. I really thought that you did well with the sensory indulgent because of the description that was used to describe how Siddhartha was feeling. "Just looking at the smile on his face after getting off of a ride was enough for me to say I did my job well." I really liked this part to because it shows how much Siddhartha appreciated new things.
ReplyDelete2. I think that you could have done the quiet ascetic better only because you could have used more detail. I wanted to know what he felt when he was climbing up those huge hills.
3. "Thankfully I was right on time and managed to locate him in the array of people. Was I ready to do this?" This part of dialogue was good because it really seemed to flow. It was not out of place and you knew right where it belonged. You did a great job with all of your dialogues.
4. The first two sentences did catch my attention because i wanted to know who Siddhartha was.I really liked how you familiarized him with your car and told him to not be scared. You did a great job to make the reader feel as though they are right there experiencing all of your favorite places.
I thought that you did a good job with the quiet ascetic part of the story. Your description of the top of the mountain gives the reader an understanding of what it is like up there. A good example of this description is when you said, “The smell of fresh air and hearing the nature in the background is what made this trip special.”
ReplyDeleteI thought you could have done the part about six flags better. Although you referenced the text, “I haven’t seen so many people in my life. This place and these people remind me of Kamala.”(45), it didn’t entirely make sense. Why do a bunch of random people at a theme part remind Siddhartha of his lover? I think it might have been better if you referenced his hectic gambling life in the city rather than Kamala. Also Siddhartha’s thought of “Why don’t we have these back home?” was uncharacteristic of him. Why would a thinker like Siddhartha care about amusement in the form of rides and food? Perhaps shape this part of the story so that Siddhartha is uncomfortable in the setting.
The reference, "Before I thought that I had to find peace by destroying my body.” (88), didn’t flow very well. It seemed like a random thing for Siddhartha to say at that moment. Perhaps if Siddhartha said this while talking about being a samana it would make more sense. Also the reference, “I haven’t seen so many people in my life. This place and these people remind me of Kamala.”(45), didn’t seem to fit Siddhartha’s character.
The introduction of the essay is pretty good. The only problem is the first sentence. Aside from the fact that you are in no way Siddhartha’s cousin, the rest of the paragraph could be a lot more gripping if it just starts with you waking up and hurrying to the airport. This would leave the reader in mystery for a while and make them want to keep reading.
The quiet place was well done, but i found the stimualting place to be very well done, in the way that Siddartha reacted to a new place that he has never been before. The past of the passage that i thought was intriguing was when Siddhartha said, "However, going to the theme park taught me that I don’t need only peace in my life but a mixture of both that and excitement." This really shows how much of an impact this adventure had on him and proved to him that there is more than just one way of living.
ReplyDeleteQuiet could have been a bit more descriptive becase of the fact that it basically just said that it was like home but you could have explained how it was like home because it couldnt have been exctly the same. i would want to know exactly how hes feeling and everything he is feeling too.
“It reminds me of home.” from the quiet reference completely flowed in this paragraph and i thought that it was very well developed. this was the perfect dialouge from Siddhartha taht you could have put in.
I thought that the introduction did a good job of grabbing the readers attention. you went straight to the point however and you could have put a little more mystery into it to get the reader to want to read it more.
1.) I think you did a very good job on you ascetic sensory place. You tell about the climb and the scenery upon the top. "Hiking up to the summit house is one of my favorite activities to do and when you reach the top, it feels so powerful and accomplishing. The beauty of the mountain itself and everything surrounding it when you reach the top is priceless" I believe that you did a very good job in describing what the hike was like and what it was worth when you reached the top.
ReplyDelete2.) I believe that you could have used a little more description in the part of taking Siddhartha to Six Flags it is such a big place and there is so much you could describe.
3.) “It reminds me of home.” He replied. I knew that it was the right place to bring him." I believe that this piece of dialogue fits very well in the talk about the mountain it seems to make sense that it would make Siddhartha feel at home and he would be in some type of his own comfort zone.
4.)The first few sentences did catch my attention it made me want to read more and wonder why you were so excited to be able to go and pick up your cousin from the airport and then tour him around to different places in your own life that you liked to go to.